It’s senior year. A year that is supposed to represent a culmination of your high school experiences. A year of joy, of success, of looking towards the future. Yet all I feel is ambivalence. At times I feel like I am going to have a great future. I think to myself you’re a nice person, intelligent, and strong there can be nothing stopping you. But then, I look back on my life. I have done some very nice things but overwhelmingly I have been eaten up by my own selfish concerns. My years have been wrought by my selfish depressions whether it be due to anemia or simple mental incapacity but more importantly my unconcern for that depression’s effect on others. Because my sadness not only brought others down, but also led me to act uncaringly towards others in my bad moods. And the sad thing is I had really no reason to be depressed. Because compared to others I truly have no hardships.
And so, as I ascend into the final months of senior year I feel rather afraid. Because as I have only finally been able to recognize my weaknesses to be thrust into a new situation where I will have to act a certain way to impress I fear I will slip back into my old pattern. Unfortunately I have no choice in the matter.
And thus I leave this long, silly post on tumblr with the hopes that if one day i do happen to return to my old habits. That I will remember how truly blessed I am and how thankful to everyone in my life I should be.
when I say no editing I mean no good editing. If I tried to print out those edited vibrant images they would not look good. I use a nikon d700, but I got this new portrait lens which is awesome and I was in New york this past weekend shooting with it. Sorry it took me so long to respond it has been hectic recently.